Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
