No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
