do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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