I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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