what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
