i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
