I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
