Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
