I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
