Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You ruined the universe
Randomize
