plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
