Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
