I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
