I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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