and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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