I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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