I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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