I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
