I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
