i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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