escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
