If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
