i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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