why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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