I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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