just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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