ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
