I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
