i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
