This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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