my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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