Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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