Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
