I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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