sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
COCAINE IS GR8
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
