fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
