Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
