After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
