is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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