but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
