I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
