mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
