so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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