bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
