dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
