His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
