I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
