Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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