I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
