Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
