I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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