i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
