yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
