I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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