He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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