i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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